I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Randomize
