just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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