Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
