Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
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