you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
