hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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