there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
