I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
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