haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
