I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
