Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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