I love watching others lives come down to our level.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I intend to get homeless drunk
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
