smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
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I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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