I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
