i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
