We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
