My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
