he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
