i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
