Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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