There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
