Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
