I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
