RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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