Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
