i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
