Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
