:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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