she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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