the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
