Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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