I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
