I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
pray to the hookup gods
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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