Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I FOUND THE LEGS
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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