I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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