i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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