My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Randomize
