Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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