I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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