She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
