I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
