3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
