I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
When did angry sex become our thing?
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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