Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
