My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
