please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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