is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
