i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize