If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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