I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ttyl tear gas
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My feet surprised me
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