Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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