Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
