He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
