Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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