five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
