So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
