The maid of honor just puked.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
