its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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