I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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