Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
