he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
