Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
