2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
