Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Congratulations! We have a period
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