He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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