I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
