Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize