you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Can Purell be used as lube?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
