The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this must be what syphilis tastes like
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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