ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
