Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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